Where There’s No Will, There’s No Way
Recently, the world mourned the death of a greatly admired entertainer-Aretha Franklin. Aretha taught us all how to spell R-E-S-P-E-C-T. One accomplishment that Ms. Franklin missed out on was executing a will; leaving behind an estate worth approximately $80 million. Now, I don’t know anyone personally that is worth $80 million. However, I have already informed my spouse that when it is time to take inventory of her family’s belongings, I will be at Buffalo Wild Wings watching the game. Will or no will, there is over 25 year’s worth of Big Lots Christmas decorations and vintage 80s toys long forgotten to be fought over; and you can count me out. I don’t like confrontation, so in the famous words of Kalen Allen, “Absolutely not!”
Men are from Mars, Women are Still Getting Gipped
According to The Verge, science confirms women’s pockets are too small. This is final proof that men are either not paying attention to what they are doing, or they just assume that women don’t require as much room in their pockets. My bet is both are true. First, women couldn’t vote, second, women get paid less than men, and now they can’t get pockets big enough to accommodate their phone. It is time for men to stop hogging all the denim and give women equal amounts of material for reasonably-sized pockets. Men, can you hear your women now?
No Justice, No Pieces of Crackers
Quartzy reports that animals inside the Nabisco Animal Crackers box are finally “cage free.” The animals that have resided inside circus cages have been set free to roam the streets, jungles, and what we call in the South, “God’s Country.” The tagline on the box actually says, “New Look, Same Great Taste.” These crackers are apparently made from cartoon animals that are now free to move about; while maintaining the same great, chalky flavor we have all enjoyed since we were kids. There is no other greater relief than to know that wild cartoon animals that have been caged for 116 years are finally able to run, play and maul each other in peace; or pieces-as it were. Justice, as well as crackers, has been served.